"We have met the enemy, and they are ours"

There is great opportunity for practice while working in an emergency department.

For example, some of my greatest teachers have been people who come into the ED specifically requesting narcotics or other controlled substances. I learn more about my own biases with each encounter.

I do feel that in certain times and in certain people, these medications are necessary, or at least quite helpful to alleviate suffering. However there are people that come to us requesting them specifically either due to addiction to them, wanting to sell them on the street to make money (often for even more addictive substances), or for reasons unknown. There's nothing that sparks judgmental mind for me faster than a "drug-seeker", as they're known at work.

Having worked in emergency medicine for thirteen years, I can spot someone with unskillful intentions pretty quickly. My own anxiety kicks in as I anticipate the eventual confrontation that  comes about when I say, "No, I am not going to give you a prescription for xxxxx". Sometimes the person realizes they've been caught (as we have ways of seeing what prescriptions people receive) and gives up without a fight. More often, there's some sort of a fight. It may be lies, tears, or belligerence, or all of the above. Usually it's an uncomfortable situation no matter what.

So recently this scene played out at work, and I realized later that there was no compassion present in me at all at the time (and we won't even talk about equanimity). A teacher and friend had made a comment online about having compassion for a snake, and I realized that compassion for a snake arose much more easily than compassion for this particular person I had just dealt with. I can wish this person well without much difficulty, but compassion was much harder to bring to mind.

Looking at this today, I put myself in this person's shoes. What horrible kamma they must have to be addicted to a drug, and spend their time going to various emergency rooms (and waiting for hours in the waiting room) to attempt to get prescriptions they can use or sell for another. Each time risking getting caught, risking getting thrown in jail, or risking death if they take too much drugs. What a hell realm!

I also remembered that we all are looking for things that we think will make us happy. They may not be narcotics, but whatever conditioned things they are, they make us "high" for a period of time, but inevitably there's the crash, and all the suffering that comes from our unskillful ways of seeking them out. I realized that many of the things I've sought in life have been very transient, and that my unskillful habits of seeking them out have brought a lot of suffering in my life. For example, I think many of us have that desire to be liked by those around us. Where has holding on to that as something we "must" have brought us? I don't think I'm alone in suffering for that one.

So in a way, I am also a "drug seeker". I am this person, grasping for something that I think is going to make me happy. While I thankfully have the kamma to know that the unconditioned is there, and is a much better "fix", I still find myself in samsara.

As I reflected on some of these things, compassion began to arise. I'm not going to say that my compassion for the patient is yet up there with a cuddly puppy, but it's a start. Hopefully this process will come to mind the next time there is another patient like this at work. We shall see. I probably won't have to wait long...

Ssshhhhhh!

Ever notice that we keep getting the same lessons again until we get them right? Or just when you think you've got something down, life turns around and says "Nah ah ahhhh!"

Before I moved out here to the east coast I lived in an idyllic little house on the outskirts of a Mayberry-look-alike town. Occasionally I would hear the neighbor's chickens, or cars passing by, but things were generally pretty quiet. It was a wonderful place to practice.

Then I came out here and stayed with my folks. A blaring TV on for most of the day was certainly a challenge. I tried listening to white noise through headphones, ignoring it, even listening to music through headphones (yes, I know, so much for that not-seeking-entertainment precept). Sometimes I could manage to not let it bother me, but for the most part it was a constant source of irritation.

Fast forward a few months and I am now living by myself again. Initially, it seemed pretty quiet...until my neighbor moved in. Now I get to share his music, football games, and his late night arguments with his girlfriend.

So much for the quiet.

So I think this is something I'm going to have to work on. The craving for quiet brings suffering when that "need" isn't met.

I can hear Ajahn Chah saying "Why is your mind going out and bothering that noise? It's just doing what noises do."

I've tried sending metta to the neighbor, which sometimes helps. I also realize that I am so fortunate and have been a bit spoiled: there are countries where noise is constant, no matter where one lives, and that hearing local arguments is a way of life.

So when I can truly give up that expectation of quiet, and just sit with awareness of what's going on around me, I think there will be much less suffering.

I'll let you know if I get there, but suggestions are welcome.

As long as they're not too loud!^)